This past weekend was a roller-coaster ride of thoughts in my brain. It all started with a phone call Friday from the head of CGA: Guatemala, Marielle. We spoke about what we will be doing when we get down there to Antigua. There are so many different opportunities when we get down there, and what stood out most was the desperate need for male leaders, father figures, to dive into the young boys in the orphanages they work with.
The thought was exciting at first, my one desire is to be that for children there. I have had a joyful spirit about it, many people I talk to about it always say that it is encouraging to know I am all in. During the weekend I had a lot of fear rise up. I started to feel uncertain about all of it. In the midst of all the uncertainty, I sat outside and began to just speak to the Father about all of it.
“What if I am not ready? I don’t feel worthy to be a father-figure. Are you sure this is right God?”
This question has always been in the back of my mind since God spoke to me on the race about following this Kingdom Dream. I get bombarded by lies from the enemy that make me hesitant to follow where God leads. Fear creeps in and almost makes it paralyzing to think about doing all the work in Guatemala.
While sitting there, speaking out my fears and doubts, God just swept in like any father would for their child. It literally felt like I was grabbed and held right in His arms. He spoke up and just began to declare so much truth over my life.
“My child, why do you get so entangled by your fears? Don’t you know that these fears and lies are nothing compared to Me? I have called you to this because you have worth to share, you have joy that will resonate with each child you impact. You are going to be the father to those who know no father, you will help them see Me through your example and life. You are a servant, and I have made you for this purpose. You are my child, and I will never let you go.”
When I heard these words from Abba I just sat there for a long while, not sure what to think. I hear from the father often, but this time it was so tangible, I thought the words were literally covering me in His presence. Hearing this truth, I felt lies and fear just falling off. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling thought to be honest, some of it actually hurt quite a bit. After awhile I just asked a simple question.
“Daddy, this is hard. I have so much I desire to do before I leave. What if I do not accomplish everything here before I go?”
Abba spoke up in a very reassuring voice, and said
“Drop the nets. When the time comes when I send you, you let go of everything. Trust me and I will make it all well. You do not need to overthink everything, just do what I place in front of you. I believe in you my child, you are going to do great things!”
He held me there for a while, I just kept staring at the water and the horizon. I trust the Lord with it all, He will lead me faithfully to the places He calls. My eyes have to be on Him, anything else will make me recede into the fears and lies. This doesn’t mean the fears and lies will not be there, they definitely are. The thing that matters is where my focus is; that focus is Jesus and where He leads. Though I have fear, insecurities, and doubt, He is more! He is everything, and I would give up the world for His namesake. It is not always easy, but when He prompts me to drop the nets, I want to throw them down and go after where He leads.
It is crazy to look back at this weekend and see that I literally weeped on the peninsula behind our house (I am not a crier by the way). I think that is my place to just let go; no walls, no barriers. It is the Lord and I living life together. His blessed assuredness in those times spills over into my daily life. I think we all need a bit more of that, it will boost your confidence so much more.
How is God prompting you to drop the nets in your life? Whatever it might be in your life, know that dropping those nets releases a weight and allows you to walk into what He has for you at your fullest. Drop the nets, let go, bring down barriers…you will experience an incredible transformation.
