The past few weeks have been a tedious time of finishing up here at CGA, as well as reflecting back on this first semester as a whole. There have been amazing experiences and an abundance of fun, but it hasn’t gone without difficulties and challenges. I know for myself it is easy to look back on all the good times. It is simple. There are no hurts in those memories and they give you that warm fuzzy feeling inside, kinda like that warm cup of coffee does for you on a brisk winter morning. But this blog is different, there wont be talk of the fun that I had. This is focused on the challenges, the areas that were hard to push through, but in the end I know that it is the challenges that really make me grow. I am going to hit on just a few of these, amongst many different ones, but these defined my first semester here at CGA.
Two things that defined my semester are Grace and Presence.
The first one has to do with worship. As many people knew coming into CGA, I am passionate about leading worship. I feel it is an honor to usher others into the presence of God. The thing I always struggled with though is perfectionism. I wanted everything to sound good, nothing to go wrong, and for people to have the best experience they can. I look back at the beginning of this semester and being able to lead a Monday morning worship for Adventures. I was excited, but so nervous as well. I wanted everything to be perfect. I was sitting with the guys I lived with talking about it all. I voiced my uncertainty and doubt to them. One of them spoke up and said something powerful to me.
“I keep hearing God say, “Humble Voice.””
He went on to tell me that God was releasing me from the expectation to do well and know that I have a humble voice when playing. Regardless of the sound, that sound is coated with humility before the Father. That in itself was all I needed to lead, the people listening will follow that humble voice. Time went on and I led that Monday morning worship. We messed up a few times, laughed it off and continued to worship. I was taught that leading in humility does not involve being perfect, it is coming as you are before the Father. It is understanding that there is grace in the process and all I need to do is remain humble before the Lord as I lead.
I went on to lead more Monday mornings and also in other events throughout the semester. All of them had mess ups, but I was reminded that grace came with remaining humble while leading. I want to continue to strive toward being a better leader and continually be reminded of that humble voice that God has gifted me with.
The next thing I learned at CGA is that staying present makes a tremendous difference in your life. I have known that I was going to Guatemala before getting here. I am set to leave in January and I am ready to get there. This semester has taught me that staying present can bring such good fruit to those who choose to live in it. I struggled with just wanting to be in Guatemala, doing ministry and making an impact. With that on my mind, it became easy to just let things roll by and not engage at all. It took a lot of growth in discipline to get myself on track and realize there was so much to do here where I am. God was even telling me at times to just “Let go” and focus on the here and now. It was my choice, I had to be willing to live in the present.
I think one of the biggest things I learned to do is simply ask God, “What do you want from me today?” Not tomorrow. Not a week from now. TODAY. That is all we have, we are not promised anymore than that. This doesn’t mean you do not plan ahead and have things mapped out. It is more about allowing God to take you on adventures while still navigating the road. It reminds me of walking down a path and there is a giant tree right off the way. God whispers in your ear to go climb it. Without hesitation you leap for the branches and start to climb. After climbing and exploring you get right back on the path and keep moving.
Now some stops are longer than others and that can be frustrating sometimes I am sure. We still need to remember that the present is the best place to be, not recalling the past or pondering the future. Today is all we have, do not overlook what God places right in front of you.
I think that grace and presence fit hand in hand. The two combined allow us to live in each moment fully. It tells us today is all we have and there is grace in abundance. It isn’t rocket science, it is simply living out your life where you are. If you have plans to get somewhere, don’t worry, God will get you there in His timing. If you struggle with the present, always know there is grace. This time at CGA has taught me so much, these things are just two of them. I hope you gain some encouragement through my challenges and see that growth happens most in the trials.
I encourage you to look back on these last few months, what are areas you have struggled or had challenges in? How have you learned from them and grown? I am sure there is a powerful lesson everyone has to share through their challenges. So think, reflect, and share them.
