I have spent the past few weeks with a multitude of thoughts rattling around in my brain. All the newness of life here in Gainesville, specifically at Adventures, put my mind in overdrive. For myself, when I get placed in these situations, I tend to want to keep control of what I can. I know last month I posted a blog about dependence on God, but I now see the battle still is waging in my mind over control of my life.
I am not the type to give up control easily. I want to maintain my own sense of security. All this brings me in the end is an overwhelmed spirit and frustrated heart.
During some team dynamics this past Friday, I voiced my struggle with control. I was given a word during a time of debrief and it has been planted in my mind since then. He told me he saw me in the arms of the Father. The only thing was I was not secure, or so I thought. I was squirming, moving around to and fro struggling against His embrace. My initial thought was, Why? Why would I do that, the Father is good, He only wants to project me, provide for me, and do incredible things in and through me. So why fight against it?
If I am honest, I tend to fear God wont come through for me. I know this is not true, but it is the root of why I try to keep things in my own control. If God doesn’t come through, I will have to it myself. The problem is that my way is always harder. Trusting God will always be easier and less of a burden than me doing it all myself. Jesus even said, “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
As I sit here writing this blog I am dog-sitting for a friend (the dogs name is chippy and he is amazing). Playing with him today, feeding him, walking him, and loving him gave me a new perspective on control. Chippy trusts fully in his master to provide, play, and love him. As he sleeps soundly in my lap as I write this, I can not get the image of me squirming in God’s embrace out of my head. I just do not want to give in, but chippy is all in toward his master. He trusts completely. I want to be more like chippy.
I am releasing the control I desperately hold onto. Desires for a relationship, financial stability, and fundraising for CGA. I drop all that down at Jesus feet and rest softly in the arms of the Father. No more squirming, no more fighting His embrace.
Just trust, eager expectancy, unwavering love, an easy yoke, and a light burden.
I am still in need of support for my semesters in CGA. I am faithfully reaching out to the body of Christ to provide financially for this training I am receiving to go on the field. Please consider supporting me or sharing this blog with those who would be interested in supporting or hearing what God is doing through me. He is faithful and I believe God will respond.
